pessimist.
Because I think everyone has a little bit of pessimism in them…
I’m venting starting now:
I am broke. I have money. But please realize that I’m a college student. I have not nearly enough for groceries for the next 2 weeks. I have problems managing my finances. I have a problem with shopping. I need money now, not at the end of august. I hate asking my parents for money. I hate the decision I made buying junk and eating out last week. I hate packing. I hate unpacking. I hate all the clutter in my apartment right now. Hence, I’m at work right now, and it’s my only time to vent. I hate that I can’t breath through my nose because of all the dust that’s accumulated from packing. I cannot wait for this Thursday to be over, but I know these next 4 days are going to be as slow as snails. I have finals and I’m burnt out from summer school. Oh, what a perfect time to be burnt out. I have a project that the professor just decided to spring upon us friday. I don’t care. I’ve pretty much given up on being surprised by the unexpected when it comes to these classes. I miss my brother. He’s starting school in a few weeks, and I hate having to miss his first day, again. I miss having to do absolutely nothing for one day. For one day!! I’ve gotten no sleep. Actually, I got 2.5 hours last night. It’s been weeks since I’ve gotten 7-8 hours of a good night’s sleep. I don’t know what tired is anymore because I’ve been walkingmarathoning around, a cross between a zombie and a businesswoman with endless deadlines. Once, a while ago, I thought I’d be stressed free for a few hours or a couple days. Nope. It doesn’t happen. No time to relax. All the time to force myself to attend to everything. everything sucks. nothing rocks. I’m over this school screwing me over. I’m over “friends” who don’t support me as much as I do them. That really sucks, especially since I’ve always been there for them. No details, drama is just a cover for fakeness and immaturity, and that’s not who I am. You just need to know who I am. I am a pessimist. Not a full-fledged Debbie Downer, but close to it if I don’t get off work soon and pass out on my bed. With all my clutter around me. I can be an optimist, but no, not right now. Not today. Probably not this week, at least not until Thursday is over.
The End. My most pessimistic blog I’ve ever written. And I haven’t written many so don’t get so turned off. I’m going through a rough patch. Please feel sorry for me. Just for a few seconds or something.
Filed under: college, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
Tags: August, college, moving, pessimism
Oh, vacation where are thou?
I am determined to go on a vacation some where over fall break or thanksgiving or winter break. I want to. I have to. I’ve decided that summer school is not even close to a break from the rest of the school year. It just makes me less motivated to do any of the work and more motivated to lay out in the sun and sand. Not that there’s any sand here. Not that it’d matter because I’ve got schoolwork and jobwork coming out my butt.
Whereabouts? Definitely thinking about Chicago (of course, shocker). Or a road trip to Atlanta would be nice. With some girlfriends, NOT with the fam. Okay, maybe with the fam if I can’t afford it. Don’t you just sometimes (all the time) wish you were Bill Gates’ daughter. Money doesn’t always buy you happiness, but sometimes it does. Especially, when you’re a poor, sleep-deprived, summer-deprived, vacation-deprived college student. I just want to lay out by the pool, jamming to sara bareilles on the ipod, sipping on a tropical smoothie, and reading a sophia kinsella book. with no worries. just me and the imaginary sand around me.
Oh, and did I ever tell ya I’ll be kicked out of my apt. sooner than I thought. Yeah, back to reality. Not that I won’t have a home anymore, but I’m just complaining because I hate packing. Ugh. Let’s not even talk about that.
Dos semanas mas de escuela verano. (No I’m not taking spanish right now. That’s right, I remember some espanol from last semester. Shocker.)
Filed under: Chicago, college, summer | Leave a Comment
Tags: college, summer, vacation
the bearer of good news.
Lots of good news to report in the wonderful life that is emily.
- Remember my gyno post? Well, I still haven’t gone to make an appointment yet. Reasons why: I’m scared and I honestly don’t have time, and I don’t have time to be scared. Anyway, I am happy to report the out-of-wack-totally-unexpected cycle came along yesterday! I know that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m okay and I shouldn’t see the gyno about my problems. And you know it’s gotta be weird when a girl is actually happy her period came.
- I’m almost done with my paper! Yes, I am a little more than half way finished!
- I’m getting physical…and it shows! My legs and arms are definitely more toned. I can see definite muscle structures yay!! I’m about to hit the gym in a few minutes, too. My newest lover: the stationary bike.
- Well of course probably the best news is summer school will be over very soon!! Tres mas semanas.
- Then on the flip side of that, the final coursework is piling on, too. But I can conquer it!…I have to! I have to see the light at the end of the summer school tunnel!
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Tags: saturday morning, summer school, working out
all by myself.
So I am probably part of the 0.5% of the country that is not going to see The Dark Night this weekend. Believe me, I do want to. Believe me, I do not have the moo-lah. Or I do but my budget for the next two months will not cover a movie ticket. Plus, I’ve got that dreadful million page paper due next week (which I’m making progress on yay!).
So currently I am watching Bridget Jones’ Diary on Bravo. On a Friday night, oh no! Call the cops, a young woman is staying home on a Friday night. I haven’t seen it probably ever since it first came out. You know how it starts out with her lip-syncing “All By Myself” on the couch? I cracked up so hard.
In reality, I am content with being “by myself,” or what others may say “single,” or what I say unattached and LOVING it. Been unattached for a long time now. I like using the term unattached because I am truly that. I don’t have to attach my time, my love, my thoughts, or my actions to anyone. Not all the time loving it, though. Sure I wish I had an intimate relationship with a mario lopez/michael phelps look-a-like. But I don’t see it happening soon, so I am enjoying the “unattached” life! I love my girlfriends, doing things for ME, and not worrying about one more person in my life.
So why are soooo many women so desperate to find a man? Yes, I said desperate. If you weren’t desperate, you wouldn’t be A) Wondering if “he” is Prince Charming, and B) terribly jealous and annoyed of friends talking about their significant others.
I’ll let you know when my “unattached” status changes. I have to warn you, it probably won’t happen anytime soon.
P.S., on a completely unrelated note, I woke up this morning to see Miley Cyrus perform on GMA. I can say I am definitely tired of her. She’s annoying. And I don’t care what year her parents say she’s born, she is definitely not 15.
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Tags: Friday night, Miley Cyrus, single, unattached
kicking family history’s booty.
I went home this weekend to get my annual checkup at my doctor’s. I’m usually pretty content about my checkups, but the worrisome part of me in the back of my head half-expects something bad to come up. So this isn’t really bad, but just a reality slap-in-the-face.
From a female physiology perspective: 1) I know I should start seeing a gynecologist soon, just because I’ll be 20 soon and we all know some awkward but necessary hormonal shifts begin when we’re in our twenties. 2) I don’t have a regular menstral cycle. In fact it’s pretty much unpredictable. Sometimes it’ll be every other months, while sometimes Aunt Flow doesn’t visit for 4-5 months…then comes back. My doctor says it’s probably a thyroid problem, OR…
Diabetes. I have a slight family history of diabetes on my dad’s side. My grandmother had diabetes, and some of my aunts have it. And I DO NOT want it. EVER. My doctor says that’s not neccessarily a diagnosis for diabetes, this family history and overweightness and irregular cycles. However, she says I should still see a gyn, preferably before school starts back up in the fall, just in case and to find out why exactly I’m not getting a monthly visit.
That talk with my doctor was enough to put me in drive mode. I have been working out about 3-4 times a week, and I’ve definitely gotten slimmer and gained muscle. The risk of diabetes may already be in my genes and exercising 300 times a week wouldn’t do squat to stop it from coming. BUT, if I can do something, anything, about it, I will fight. I want to fight this fat. I want to lose these 30 pounds. I want to have a healthy diet. I need to. I have found out that I no longer am dieting and working out just to be thin and gain more self-confidence. My #1 reason for my goal of a healthier weight and lifestyle is that I want to be healthy, to kick any future disease and health problems in the a-double-s. No matter what it takes, I don’t want to give up on this. EVER.
Filed under: health | 1 Comment
Tags: Diabetes, Doctor appointment, exercise, family history, health
explosion.
I haven’t written in a few days, but I’ve been a little overwhelmed with school work. I’m taken two summer classes right now, and all though it’s not that much, 1) It’s summer school, 2) I’ve gotten so used to my summers sleeping in and the only reading being magazines.
I have a 20-something page paper due in 2 weeks for a book I’m reading. I won’t go into too many details about it, except that the book is great. However, being the paranoid-of-the-consequences-of-procrastinating kind, I tend to not wait for the last minute. I’m just getting the feeling that whenever I start writing this paper, all my thoughts and words and everything I want to put in my paper will all shove itself at me all at once. ALL AT ONCE is the phrase I’m freaking out about. It’s happened before…I’m staring at my blank word document, frown lines on my face, and it’s been 10 or so minutes since I wrote the title page. Now, the title page, that I like. I know what I’m wanting to write, I know it’s right (duh because it’s just my name, prof’s name, course name, date) and the worst that could happen with that is getting the date wrong. But with the actual contents of the paper…blah.
Isn’t that how it is sometimes in life? If I wake up with a full agenda of really important things to do for the day, yes I’ll most likely get out of bed determined to make the best out of what is to be a superbusy tuesday. However, after I wash my face, pick out what to wear, put on makeup, etc., etc., my mind flutters with all sorts of thoughts from all directions. I’ll think okay I need to go over this presentation before class, but while I’m “going over it,” it’s more like “getting over it” because I’m thinking about what to wear tonight for a dinner and a movie date. Then, once I’ve regained focus, time’s up! I need to walk out the door asap, notes in hand, with a poor attempt to read while walking to. BTW, this doesn’t work…you just look like an idiot who’s trying to cram or an idiot who’s trying to avoid running into someone and end up bumping (literally bumping) into annoying him or her or a random totally pissed off stranger.
My point is the brain goes off and has a mini-explosion when thoughts all band together. The important thing is to calm down, breathe, take a sip of something that’s not Red Bull, and pull it together, silly! I know I need to get over the explosion, hose it down or something, and get a hold of reality. What’s reality? Scary, unexpected, exciting yet peaceful, pessimistic yet there’s hope, and there’s a me out there to control some it.
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Tags: college, paper
stars&stripes&chicago!
Currently in Chicago for the fourth weekend! I’m super excited to be here. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten a vacation! I went to Millennium Park this afternoon with some friends. We’re going out in a little bit, and going to see Hancock. Yay for amazing friends! Yay for such a beautiful city!!!
Have a safe 4th weekend! I know I will!
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Tags: Chicago, fourth of july, summer, vacation
goals for july.
Mid-summer is upon us…or in my case the month before school starts back up.
- lose 10 pounds (already cracking down on this one!)
- meet at least 15 new friends
- have an awesome birthday with awesome friends
- get to know my roomie for the fall a little bit more
- make As on all my exams/papers
- get more involved in the children’s ministry at church
- plan a getaway/vacation for fall break
- donate money to charity
Yes, some of these goals may seem trivial, but for me they’re big goals. Not because I’m usually lazy and unmotivated, but typing them down make me want to actually achieve them asap.
Oh, and I’m sooo pumped I got to go shopping yesterday! Got me some awesome sperry top-sider shoes 
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Tags: Goals, July, Sperry
Have you ever ran into someone you went to high school with in a store or just in passing, and you get that feeling, “I hope I’m giving you a better impression of myself now than back in the day.” I do. Let’s revisit the goood ol’ high school days.
I was smart. I was quiet and shy. I was not in the “in” crowd. My small circle of bffs were in the band. I did not go to the mall every other day. I did not get my hair dyed or highlighted every 2 months. I did not go to my school’s prom. I was not athletic nor into any sports. So I was pretty much your average geekette.
Only now I look back and laugh, because I’m so different back then than I am now. I mean I’d still consider myself smart and friendly. But I’m more gregarious nowadays. Yes indeed, the turtle has gotten out of her shell and is proud of it. Which brings me back to the thing that motivated me to write this post. I ran into one of my classmates I graduated high school with. I went to a big high school with a grad class of 350, so we weren’t all exactly close-knit. Nor do I keep in touch with anyone I graduated with on a regular basis.
I run into him, and you know that feeling you get whenever you run into someone you haven’t seen in a while and you aren’t exactly kind enough to say hello or strike up a conversation because you don’t remember this person’s name letalone anything about them except for the fact they look familiar? And then approximately 3 seconds later you’re like, “Oh, crap! I went to high school with you…Hey! How are you?!” Followed up by the following questions: you look taller, new haircut huh?, what do you do with your life nowadays?, still play basketball?, how long is this conversation going to last before it gets completely awkward because we’ve run out of time with 21 questions? All the while another part of my brain is strolling through memory lane, ah wonderful memory lane. Then like a bubble it pops, and I’m back to reality. woo hoo.
So it turns out he goes to the same college I’m at now, yet didn’t know he was even coming here nor did I see him at all my freshman year. Then all of the sudden he’s here and I’m faced with a dilemma. Should I just say “Well nice running into you! Good luck with your paper! See ya!” or “Well I’ve got to go, but we should do coffee sometime? Maybe catch up?”
Turns out I went with the “see ya!” farewell. I kinda wish I had said the other one, but I know it would have been awkward. It just didn’t feel right for me. I didn’t feel comfortable enough to do that, and it may be because ever since college I’ve never thought about my past. I just began hanging around a new group of friends, getting involved on campus, not having a care in the world about high school. Yes, that did get me out of my shell, and I know a little bit more about who I am, versus in high school I fitted right into the geek stereotype. I didn’t want my past to be dug right up, even though I knew, and still know, in my mind what happened in high school and who I was back then. I was an insecure teenage geek. But I know I’m a totally different person today. And in some aspects, I would much rather think about the present and the future than the past.
But if I run into him, or any other person I went to high school with, again I think it would be good for me to carry the conversation on longer or for another day. I know I’ll be a better person if I can just accept the past, but still realize that was then, this is now.
A finally epithany: friends you meet in college are truly your friends for the rest of your life. Yes, I’m still in college, but I can already see myself hanging onto these great peeps for a really long time.
Filed under: college | Leave a Comment
Tags: college, high school
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